I used to blog about important, personal things that were going on in my life. Lately, however, I haven’t done any of those, for fear that the wrong people may read it. I’ve got a lot of personal posts, still, but I haven’t made one in a very long time. Even posts about mission stories and Diplomacy just aren’t the same as some of the more thought-provoking (for me, anyway) posts of early days. I’d say that it’s been at least since last March that I posted something relevant to why this blog was made in the first place, and the best example before that is nearly a year old. Since now nearly everyone I know has his or her own blog and they’re all linked, it’s more likely that people will stumble across the stuff I post; people who aren’t either complete strangers and therefore don’t care or people that are good enough friends with me that they can handle anything I post.
For example, during the past semester I’ve had a girlfriend and almost had another one. I’ve learned a lot about and through the experiences. Have I posted about it? Nope. Because I know that both the girls in question know about this blog. And even if they didn’t know, I know they could find it easily, what with Facebook and Google and all. I know that at least one post from the past made both of those relationships a little more uncomfortable than they needed to be. So, within this past year, most of my posts have been about either current projects or just things online that I found that I wanted to share, like the map at the top of this post showing, county by county, where people say “pop,” “soda,” or “coke.” And if a post ends up being personal, it’s either much too short to be of use other than general ennui or frustration, or is about something rather inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. In other words, this blog is becoming much more generic than it used to be.
I’m not sure if I like that. While some privacy and uncomfortable situations may be avoided, writing in here is not nearly as cathartic as it used to be. I used to use this blog as a way to organize my thoughts, or voice frustrations or other problems I was having, to be better able to face life. In fact, most of the earlier posts on here (not counting the “old journal” posts) were quite angsty, but for good reason. Now that it’s all fluff, I feel like there’s a lot I’ve needed to express, but haven’t had an outlet to do so. Just typing a private online journal isn’t quite what I want either, though, since there are some things I love to share with the world that I think can add to the grand tapestry of life, even if they might be a bit embarrassing for people who might know me personally. In addition, some of these older posts I want to share with people so they can understand me better. I know that some of my siblings, while they are dear friends and I’m very close to them, don’t get me at all. That’s partly my fault, as I’ve never been one to forcefully express myself in my family; too many dominating personalities in one room at a time kind of leave the youngest out of things. But that’s they way it’s always been, even if they’ll never understand that. In any case, I had hoped that through this blog they, and others who cared, could get to understand what really made me tick.
Some of this frustration is why I ended up moving all of my Atari reviews, although for some reason search engines aren’t directing any traffic to that site, choosing instead to send people to defunct posts here that no longer exist. I moved them so this blog could get back to its roots: a sort of online journal, where I could express freely my thoughts and feelings openly. Can I still do that? Is this blog culture that has sprung up even since I started this three and a half years ago grown so inconsequential that posting personal things on a blog is not only taboo, but just a bad idea? Will anyone really care if this blog suddenly gets personal again? Does anybody but myself even care about this dilemma? I sure hope not; because that means I’m writing this post for myself, at least, and that’s helping me get back to my roots. Even just writing this post feels good; just to get something off my mind and be myself in one of the only places I feel I can, without people interrupting me to either tell me that I’m wrong and/or I’m too hard on myself. You know, where I can express opinions and feel they’re valid, even if they’re not.
¿Le Gusta Leer? Porque me gusta leer. Y eso es lo que importa. Screw you, internet denizens! This post has become increasingly nonsensical. My favorite! Man, this feels good! Cheese puffs can kill your dogs!
In any case, now my blog has been recently updated. So you Blogger people whose blog lists change based on how long ago they posted, maybe now you can take a break from “Check out my new photos” and “Proposition 8: My View” and “Here’s twenty questions about me! Now YOU answer them!” and read something different! At least until this post gets old, at which point the blog of your friend halfway across the country who is posting thirty pictures of her toddler every week with inane captions will top your list of recently updated blogs and you can go look at those, under which no less than fifty people will comment “Aww! So cute!”
