Jeff's online journal, ramblings, whatever.

The changing face of life, and blogitude

Pop vs. Soda

I used to blog about important, personal things that were going on in my life. Lately, however, I haven’t done any of those, for fear that the wrong people may read it. I’ve got a lot of personal posts, still, but I haven’t made one in a very long time. Even posts about mission stories and Diplomacy just aren’t the same as some of the more thought-provoking (for me, anyway) posts of early days. I’d say that it’s been at least since last March that I posted something relevant to why this blog was made in the first place, and the best example before that is nearly a year old. Since now nearly everyone I know has his or her own blog and they’re all linked, it’s more likely that people will stumble across the stuff I post; people who aren’t either complete strangers and therefore don’t care or people that are good enough friends with me that they can handle anything I post.

For example, during the past semester I’ve had a girlfriend and almost had another one. I’ve learned a lot about and through the experiences. Have I posted about it? Nope. Because I know that both the girls in question know about this blog. And even if they didn’t know, I know they could find it easily, what with Facebook and Google and all. I know that at least one post from the past made both of those relationships a little more uncomfortable than they needed to be. So, within this past year, most of my posts have been about either current projects or just things online that I found that I wanted to share, like the map at the top of this post showing, county by county, where people say “pop,” “soda,” or “coke.” And if a post ends up being personal, it’s either much too short to be of use other than general ennui or frustration, or is about something rather inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. In other words, this blog is becoming much more generic than it used to be.

I’m not sure if I like that. While some privacy and uncomfortable situations may be avoided, writing in here is not nearly as cathartic as it used to be. I used to use this blog as a way to organize my thoughts, or voice frustrations or other problems I was having, to be better able to face life. In fact, most of the earlier posts on here (not counting the “old journal” posts) were quite angsty, but for good reason. Now that it’s all fluff, I feel like there’s a lot I’ve needed to express, but haven’t had an outlet to do so. Just typing a private online journal isn’t quite what I want either, though, since there are some things I love to share with the world that I think can add to the grand tapestry of life, even if they might be a bit embarrassing for people who might know me personally. In addition, some of these older posts I want to share with people so they can understand me better. I know that some of my siblings, while they are dear friends and I’m very close to them, don’t get me at all. That’s partly my fault, as I’ve never been one to forcefully express myself in my family; too many dominating personalities in one room at a time kind of leave the youngest out of things. But that’s they way it’s always been, even if they’ll never understand that. In any case, I had hoped that through this blog they, and others who cared, could get to understand what really made me tick.

Some of this frustration is why I ended up moving all of my Atari reviews, although for some reason search engines aren’t directing any traffic to that site, choosing instead to send people to defunct posts here that no longer exist. I moved them so this blog could get back to its roots: a sort of online journal, where I could express freely my thoughts and feelings openly. Can I still do that? Is this blog culture that has sprung up even since I started this three and a half years ago grown so inconsequential that posting personal things on a blog is not only taboo, but just a bad idea? Will anyone really care if this blog suddenly gets personal again? Does anybody but myself even care about this dilemma? I sure hope not; because that means I’m writing this post for myself, at least, and that’s helping me get back to my roots. Even just writing this post feels good; just to get something off my mind and be myself in one of the only places I feel I can, without people interrupting me to either tell me that I’m wrong and/or I’m too hard on myself. You know, where I can express opinions and feel they’re valid, even if they’re not.

¿Le Gusta Leer? Porque me gusta leer. Y eso es lo que importa. Screw you, internet denizens! This post has become increasingly nonsensical. My favorite! Man, this feels good! Cheese puffs can kill your dogs!

In any case, now my blog has been recently updated. So you Blogger people whose blog lists change based on how long ago they posted, maybe now you can take a break from “Check out my new photos” and “Proposition 8: My View” and “Here’s twenty questions about me! Now YOU answer them!” and read something different! At least until this post gets old, at which point the blog of your friend halfway across the country who is posting thirty pictures of her toddler every week with inane captions will top your list of recently updated blogs and you can go look at those, under which no less than fifty people will comment “Aww! So cute!”

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8 responses

  1. Ben

    Can you make your blog a private one? I know some of the blog sites let you set it so you must be invited to read it.

    So, if some of your siblings don’t get you at all, does that mean some of them do? There are only three of us, after all.

    The data on that map doesn’t seem very acurate to me. I will say one thing about it, though.. “aww! So cute!”

    December 3, 2008 at 9:51 am

  2. I can make certain posts private, and I’ve done that. But some of this stuff I want people to read. Just not certain people. If there was a way to find out and block IP addresses from time to time or something maybe on certain posts I’d do that, but I don’t think that’s feasible, plausible, or reasonable.

    Maybe I’ll do a whole post on this, but the whole culture of blogs has been fascinating me lately. I think most people keep personal (as opposed to political or otherwise business or work-related) blogs because they want to release their personality into the sea of the Internet, just hoping that somebody will take interest in it, whether it is toddler pictures or philosophical musings or whatnot. Everybody wants to feel validated, and if flygirl87 thinks your toddler is cute that makes you feel better.

    With regards to you guys getting me, I originally wrote a diatribe about it, but then realized that it probably shouldn’t be in a public place such as this. If you want to know what I wrote send me a message on Facebook or something.

    Anyway, that poll seems awfully unscientific, since its sampling from each county in Utah is sometimes on the order of three people or so. Still, I find it amusing that Salt Lake County is apparently an island of soda-drinkers in a sea of pop-guzzlers.

    December 3, 2008 at 5:36 pm

  3. Haley

    For what it’s worth, I’m still here. And I wouldn’t be, if I didn’t care.

    December 3, 2008 at 9:38 pm

  4. I know, Haley, and I’ve always appreciated that, even if I haven’t expressed it much. From the very earliest months of this blog, I’ve always taken comfort in the fact that, “Well, at least Haley will read and parse this entry,” so thanks for sticking with this insanity for so long!

    December 6, 2008 at 12:16 am

  5. Jeff- you are awesome, the end. And even if I don’t “get you” it doesn’t matter, because you have an amazing support system who loves you and doesn’t care how wacky you may be (or how wacky you think you may be). Just take comfort in the fact that you are amazing, talented and have an incredible capacity to love and serve others. Don’t worry, no one “gets me” either… and I don’t expect they will anytime soon. I don’t pretend to know where you are coming from or why you do what you do. I just know you’re fun to have around. Who really “gets” anyone anyway? I mean, if you think about it. You may feel like the siblings beside yourself understand each other or “get” each other but I disagree. Stop thinking you’re the only one who no one understands, because it just isn’t true.

    December 6, 2008 at 12:38 am

  6. Hobbes

    What the hell?

    December 19, 2008 at 4:53 pm

  7. Annelise

    Jeff,
    I dated alot of people before I got married. I just did it alot younger and even though in High School, time seems to go really slow, I only dated Ian for 6 months.
    First, Mike Kemp…my first kiss…yuck and he locked us in a car to do so. I don’t think we ever even had a conversation about anything really ever at all.
    Second, Shane Henderson…he was a senior when I was a Sophomore and we made out at a park, once. He was nice but didn’t talk much and we went to Senior Ball together and dated for a week.
    Third, Israel Curtis, I’d like to call him my first “involved” relationship. We dated on and off for about a year as he kept dating Jenelle Weeter and I would randomly go out on dates with other guys (like Sean Flanagan). That was an interesting relationship in the fact that we really really got along intellectually and we were really attracted to each other, however, he had no respect for his own family and ergo had no respect for families period. (Kjersti didn’t like him at all…he was self righteous.) He was (is) so talented musically that I think we kept dating because we were complementary musically.
    Fourth, good ‘ole Ian. This started at the beginning of my Junior year, even though he had been “chasing” me since the “boyfriend” (the musical). Like I said, 6 months officially, but after we broke up, we kept kinda being in a relationship even though we “hated” each other. That relationship went South because he wanted to get married right out of high school. But, somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought I was going to marry Tyson. (Who should technically be number 1, I visited him in Alabama the summer after my Sophomore year and HE was self righteous…holy cow.) Anyway, I can thank Tyson for at least keeping me from marrying Ian right out of high school. I liked him because he validated everything about me and was attentive to my every whim. I really should have been nicer to him, in retrospect I can see why things got so volatile when I broke up with him. It was getting way too physical, too. I thought that perhaps when he returned from his mission that we could have a go again, but he was still mad at me and didn’t want to go through all that again. I was really awful to him and he didn’t deserve it, plus soon after he got home, Mick and myself got engaged and that made him upset all over again. (We fought alot.)
    Fifth, Patrick Rosier. He wasn’t LDS but was actaully more reserved in the physical department than either Ian or Israel. We did crazy things together and went places dressed up in costume, for no reason at all. Kissing him was like kissing a live wire, he couldn’t just be calm…it was kinda funny. He worshipped the ground I walked on and by this time in my realationships, I had discovered that many guys really thought I was amazing (why?!?!? who knows?!?!?) and so, unfortunately, I used this to my advantage.
    Sixth, outta high school…Chris (the diabetic, wow, I can’t even remember his last name.) I remember that Grandpa Petty really liked him. He made me feel trapped as even his Mom was like, “Wow, we really like Annelise, when are you going to marry her.” Plus, he was a hard care heavy metal rocker and although it was really fun and unpredictable at time, I just could never see Chris being a father.
    Seventh, Bob Bateman. Oh Bob. His family was in such a desperate situation. The whole time we dated, we played Video games and ate Ice Cream. It was more like we were both very sad about things in life then, so let’s date and bury some of the pain. He was really in love with this girl named Beth and I was content not having to put anything into the relationship. In fact, after we broke up, the very next day we went to Lagoon together, (which Craig DeVries…who I never actually dated, but went on dates with.)
    Eighth, Mickey Murphy…you know the rest…:)

    Now, this list just includes actual boyfriends…not people that I just went on dates with or had NCMO’s with (do people still use NCMO?) There was Josh from Mom’s ward (we used to go to Porters Place with his younger sister Chantelle and Kjersti) and this guy that was an editor at the U of U student paper (I met him through Bob) and there was Dave from Mom’s ward too. There was Richard Winget and Richard (I can’t remember his last name.) I kissed Aaron Barker (oops) and this really cute guy named Matt from Weber State. I also dated Nathan Jensen (in Jr. High, but no kissing) and it made Kjersti so mad that she went crazy on a bus and ripped her necklace apart. I am probably missing some, but I’m not sure what my point was going to be, except this…
    Welcome to dating…oh and have fun!!!!!

    Love ya!!!!! (Can you tell I don’t have a blog…it was good to get some of that out there…weird.)
    P.S. I always loved Garrett, he was my first love…even though we never kissed or dated. He inspired me. I think I drove him crazy.

    February 23, 2009 at 9:41 am

  8. I’m nearly positive you put this comment on the wrong blog post, Annelise, but I do appreciate the insight into the dating process that you’ve had. I think it’d be cool if you had a blog, although if you end up being like most mothers it will just be pictures of your girls anyway. (If you *do* ever end up getting a blog I challenge you to make it otherwise!) And thanks for the “welcome to dating!” for the 26-year-old…that makes me feel a lot better! Hooray! And yes, people still use NCMO, at least in Provo.

    And hey, I always loved Kim, even though we never kissed or dated either! What a coincidence! You and Garrett were probably much closer, though. And here’s a random story: for the week you were dating Shane Henderson, his little brother Kody and I were in the same elementary school class and we speculated what weirdness would occur if your guys’ relationship ended up working out. Also, you forgot Lynn Herzog! Holding somebody’s gum is almost like kissing, right? R-right?

    Chris’s last name…Coombs? Something like that?

    February 23, 2009 at 7:36 pm

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