Jeff's online journal, ramblings, whatever.

Into the ether

All right, I’m sick of this. I’ve been doing these “52 weeks” posts for, what, seven weeks now, and not a single comment. Not. One. I already know these songs, people! I’m not doing this for myself! I want to get feedback! But since nobody’s said a word, I’m going to assume that either 1) people have stopped reading this blog, and it’s like the old Angelfire days again, where I can post personal things without fear of repercussion, or 2) nobody besides myself actually cares about my music. And I don’t mean in the “I care about you, Jeff, so I care about the things that you do” way, but in the “I am actively involved in the consumption of the product you produce” way. You see the difference? One shows a love (or obligation) toward the person, one shows an acceptance of the music itself. And only the second one will help me believe that I can make a living doing this. Since I’ve gotten no feedback, though, I guess I can’t. Because nobody cares about it. Let me reiterate: I’m not saying nobody cares about me, but that nobody cares about my music. At least not enough to add one little comment in nearly two months’ worth of posts on the subject, which, let’s face it, takes a minimal amount of effort.

This especially hurt with the piece I posted last Tuesday. I may not have entirely conveyed it, but that piece was my favorite I’ve done all year, and a true expression of the essence of what I’m trying to convey to the world through my music. Well, if the world doesn’t give a damn about the song that best expresses who I am, what does that say about me? If the song that means the most to me doesn’t even arouse a single person to make the smallest of comments, even when I post it on my Facebook page too, then what the hell am I doing here? Obviously I’m incapable of touching the chords of other people’s hearts, no matter how hard I try. And that’s the reason I got into music in the first place. And that just reiterates a point I’ve tried to make several times, with varying amounts of success: that I’m a different breed of person, and so hard to understand sometimes that most people have just given up trying, which is a major factor why I’m 27 and still single and haven’t been able to hold onto a girlfriend for more than a month.

Now, I fully expect to get a few, “No, it’s OK, Jeff, I still think you’re awesome” comments on this post. If I’m lucky a few of you may go back to those earlier posts and comment “Sounds good!” But I don’t need anyone’s pity. I don’t need this to be like when I was in elementary school with no friends and one day I burst into tears in front of the whole class and during the next recess a few people thought it was their duty to be nice to me, a duty which, once fulfilled for a recess, left me in the same place: friendless. If you’re not going to be sincere, I don’t need it. All the “You’re a good guy” comments would seem hollow. Actions speak louder than words. But if you are going to be sincere; if you are willing to take the time to listen to what I’ve got to say through what I write, and most importantly, stick with it because you like the music (or alternatively, you don’t like it and are willing to tell me why, which would be even more important), then I’ll keep making those posts. Otherwise I’m done posting music here. This blog will just become somewhere that I post funny Youtube videos once every six months or so. But that’s OK; it won’t be a big loss. One can’t disappoint an audience that doesn’t exist. (And hey, if the reason I’ve got no comments is actually that nobody’s reading this blog anymore anyway, then nobody will read this rant and nobody will feel guilty! It’s a win-win!)

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4 responses

  1. Haley Greer

    I have excuses for not posting comments… but none of them would be acceptable ones. So, chalk me up as one of the heartless masses I suppose.

    In the meantime, I’d worry more about why your sense of worth as a musician is tied to the number of comments you receive on a blog. You know better. Sometimes.

    By the way, congratulations on the venue for the improv. THAT I’m extremely proud of.

    November 21, 2009 at 2:00 pm

  2. Marné

    Thanks for the call out. I was sure that I had commented on at least a few of your 52 weeks posts (thus my concern about being annoying with them). But looking back it appears that I did, in fact, not comment on a single one. Quite embarrassing to say the least, especially since I have your blog on a feed, and even went so far as to share “Ode to Spot” with my feed buddies.

    I hope you realize what your asking for when you say you want comments, though. I tend to go off on long rants, especially when I see such a large box for typing in.

    November 21, 2009 at 7:16 pm

  3. Truth be told, haven’t been checking the blog a ton as of late. Been insane. But, sometimes people need a personal invite, I mean if you really want me to listen to something and give you feedback, ask me personally and I will do it. You know I believe in you and think you are AMAZINGLY talented!! But do you really care about my opinion? I don’t really know what I am talking about when it comes to music and everything you do I love, (some pieces more than others but just the mere fact that you can do what you do boggles my mind and I am so proud of what you have and will accomplish!)

    November 22, 2009 at 1:49 am

  4. @Haley: It’s not that my sense of self-worth as a musician is necessarily tied in to blog comments, but it can be a general barometer. Compiling those 52 weeks posts has been a lot of work, and I would just appreciate some feedback, is all. Don’t take it personally. As for the improv thing, THAT has been going through some growing pains recently as well, but hopefully all will work out.

    @Marné: Hey, if you want to type page-long comments, please go right ahead. I enjoy reading and responding. If I ever have issues with the length, I’ll just change the size of the comment box and all will be well! Seriously, though, any feedback would be appreciated.

    @Kjersti: Understandably, we’re all pretty busy. It’s just that pretty much every blog I read, whether it’s a friend’s, a family member’s, or just some random internet blog, has at least two or three comments within a day, whereas I really have got to fish for them most of the time. I did ask for feedback, both on the first “52 Weeks” post and specifically on the “Factor X” post, and I feel that regular readers can catch that without me having to type in the post, “Kjersti, what do you think about this song? What about you, Haley?” every time. But for what it’s worth, I’ve always appreciated your support, and your comment in the “Factor X” post is pretty much the type of thing I’m looking for. Not necessarily a fancy musical critique, but just a “This is how this piece affects me” type of thing. Thanks!

    November 22, 2009 at 2:34 am

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