Jeff's online journal, ramblings, whatever.

Archive for July, 2010

Happy Anniversary, Blog! A day late!

Well, I missed making a post yesterday, on the actual five-year anniversary of this blog’s grand opening. But I’ve got a good reason: I was writing/arranging some sort of circus parade music for Johnathan! It’s part of an “Alphabet Monsters” kids’ album we’re working on.

So, to properly take everyone’s comments and turn them into a post, I’ll combine them all! Using linkbaitgenerator.com, I’ll answer some questions, then tell a (hopefully) funny story!

Also, you know, monkeys.

1. 8 Jeff’s blog-themed Halloween costumes

  1. A giant chicken at a wedding
  2. A wizard, Luigi, a Starfleet officer, or possibly Hitler
  3. A choir member singing “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air”
  4. An Australian wedding singer
  5. A mashup of Michael Jordan and Frederic Chopin
  6. Mickey Mouse trying to kill himself
  7. A young Spanish raven-haired beauty
  8. Josh Reese

2. The 10 commandments of Jeff’s blog

  1. Thou shalt write more about thy own music than anyone ever wanted to know.
  2. Thou shalt blog about how thy siblings are responsible for many of thy shortcomings, even if it’s not quite true.
  3. Thou shalt derive thy blog’s popularity from only three posts.
  4. Thou shalt start a “52 Weeks” project and promptly abandon it at some future point.
  5. Thou shalt obey the previous commandment on at least two occasions.
  6. Thou shalt not give links to certain posts to potential girlfriends.
  7. Thou shalt write random posts about Kim Isom instead of, thou knowest, contacting her, until she gets married. (Or got married, actually.)
  8. Thou shalt offend people by posting old journal entries fifteen or so years later.
  9. Thou shalt occasionally take different personality tests, with differing results.
  10. Thou shalt post about angsty relationship issues, like every non-political, non-photo journal blog out there.

3. If Jeff’s blog had a love child with a unicorn, it would look like this:

Oh heavens. I think I’m done with the Linkbait generator.

4. The Story of Jeff’s Blog

(Note: This story was created by taking the URL of the blog, adding “?random” to the end, and using the posts that came up to inspire each sentence. Enjoy!)

Once upon a time, there was an vizier that looked suspiciously like my brother. The vizier was trying to escape the services of Kublai Khan. An outsider had moved into his room, so he had been forced to live in the dusty Rec Room. The newcomer had won the hearts of everyone in the land due to his smooth ‘n smarmy nature. So the vizier turned to the only person he could trust: Richard Nixon. Nixon then turned to the only person he could trust: Monterey Jack! Sadly, Monty had gone tubing at a cabin in Big Cottonwood Canyon, so Nixon and the vizier were on their own. In addition, this charming stranger had brought a couple of homies, who eventually got jobs as his Guardians (in the top right corner).

Nixon’s first plan was to get a scandalous picture of the newcomer driving a Nazi car with a Ferengi. Sadly, this was foiled when the car was accidentally sent into a mirror universe and replaced with a time-travel pod. It was time to pull out the big guns, and Nixon and the vizier sent out a request for help to the one man that could do the job: Josh Reese. However, Josh was too busy playing in the snow and listening to sound effects records to be of any use. Things were beginning to look bleak: the newcomer had all the appeal of both Ron Weasely and that werewolf Jacob kid from Twilight that I refuse to learn his full name. He was damaging their style, Kyle! With his Latin flavah! And the vizier and Nixon were just plain creepy! In a nutshell, they were running out of time and options. Then the vizier finally got an idea of his own: Give the newcomer toe-fungus! Then his appeal would drop to the level of a suicidal snowman! So Nixon and the vizier got Ken Jennings to drive the Weinermobile up to the palace to distract the newcomer while they infected him. It worked! Within days he had all the appeal of a hardcore Trekkie! So the vizier finally got his room back, and eventually settled down with Nancy Pelosi, while Nixon turned into a ladybug. The newcomer reunited with his estranged father, who had been trapped in subspace, and everyone got some Teriyaki Stix and lived happily ever after.

The end.

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Five years!

This Friday, my blog turns five years old! That’s, like, an eternity of Internet time! To celebrate the occasion, I’m going to take user suggestions! What topic, oh denizens of the online world, should I blog about? Current politics? The indie music scene? BYU football? The lifespan of the average African wildebeest? How cute your toddler’s pictures are? (Note: I won’t actually blog about any of the above. I can’t do your work for you!) The possibilities are endless! Post ideas in the comments!