My Career Crossroads: a Pandemic-forced Mid-Life Crisis. Part 6: Answers?

In my last post I talked about the first step in overcoming and/or integrating my weaknesses so that they become strengths. I also promised at the end of that post that I would soon make another one about the next steps, and while the answer is still probably “get a therapist”, since that’s not currently an option, I’ve been doing the best I can otherwise. I’ve been reading up, listening to podcasts and lectures, doing some research (layman research, granted, but still), and listening to feedback on the stuff I’ve written over the past month. And do you know what the true answer I’ve found is?

Nothing.

And I don’t mean nothing like, “I haven’t found it yet,” I think the actual answer isn’t out there. Or at least, it’s not something simple where I can say, “This are the things I need to do to find true happiness, and these are the obstacles in the way, now let’s tackle them all and that’s my life’s work.”

I’ve had a few friends recommend some resources to me that have helped them during their times of difficulty. One such recommendation was a podcast about what happens during huge life changes, or “lifequakes” as the podcast calls them, whether voluntarily (like a new marriage) or involuntarily (like an unexpected job loss or a death in the family) and how to handle them.

Except it wasn’t.

It wasn’t instructional or even advice. It was simply a collection of data compiled into stories about how something like 1600 people dealt with their own personal life changes with an attempt to draw out some trends. And the only real lessons that came out of were several restatements of the idea that “when people’s lives change, it means that the things in their lives can be different.” This sounds like a tautology, but I think the deeper meaning here is “there is no path that works for everyone.”

Despite my best efforts, my actual job interviews have been few and far between. One particular one is still up in the air on whether or not it will result in a job offer (I will know hopefully later this week). It’s a job that seems nice, but is nowhere near what I want to be doing with my life. Though it’s something I think I’d be decent good at (helping people set up and run database software that I have to learn first), it’s not anywhere near what my passions are, and also they ask for an eighteen-month commitment, so if a week into it I find it’s not a great fit, well, I’m locked into it anyway. (As a side note, any job that asks for a huge commitment before training is over or has even begun makes me nervous. I understand why they would do it, as it costs time and money to train a new employee, but I wish I at least could know what I’m getting myself into more clearly than a website reading and an interview process can provide before making that commitment.)

But, on the other hand, if I don’t take that job then I only have a few weeks before my health insurance runs out; bad as it is, it’s still cheaper than options like COBRA (yes, there are some special COVID-related-job-loss programs but they’re still not cheap). Additionally, my rent contract only goes until the end of September, so I have to decide whether I can afford to renew it and live by myself, or get a roommate, or move. It’s not long after that that my savings will also be gone (even taking into account the unemployment payments, which are laughably small; I can’t imagine how anyone with house payments or families are able to cope).

So I’m facing either a future where I’m strapped to a job for at least 18 months that I’ll hopefully be fine with (in the best case scenario), but isn’t something I would’ve chosen, or a future where I’m still free to choose another option that’s a better fit for me, but I have to find and successfully pursue that option before all of my resources disappear.

It also doesn’t help that I’ve been furloughed since March, and whatever weird mental health issues I’ve developed since then by living alone in an increasingly isolated and uncertain future probably hasn’t helped my ability to judge what kind of job I would be happy with. But I gotta do my best with what I have, or die trying. (Uh, side note: this isn’t an expression of suicidal tendencies or anything remotely like it, simply a hyperbolic statement of resignation. Just thought I’d mention it in case anybody was reading warning flags into it that aren’t there.)

What spins it all as well is that I know that my struggles are far from uncommon. Unemployment is higher than it’s been since the Great Depression. Most people who are employed are still having business issues thanks to the economy undergoing unprecedented loss. Health restrictions are stifling everyone, and those who can’t take the pressure and are flouting said regulations are making things worse. And, probably worst of all, teachers are all going through hell trying to keep on top of everything they have to do.

I want to mention that podcast again, and how interesting I found it that it didn’t offer any solutions: just data, stories, and obvious extrapolations. Because nobody has any solutions. The entire world is going through an unprecedented crisis, and even the most organized and collected individuals have battened down the hatches since March and we’re all riding the stormy seas.

Whenever I ask for help with my job search online from others, it’s almost funny the weird way that people have responded. Nearly all of them can be divided into two categories: the “You should look into this career path. I don’t necessarily know how to get into that career path, and I certainly have no idea how you can, but, y’know, do all the work and you can probably do it, maybe” responses, and the “Here’s what came up when I Googled ‘how to get a job'” (or alternately, “Here’s another job search aggregate and/or networking site I found”) responses. There have only been a few “Here’s a specific job that you should apply for and I can help you get it!” or “I have some work I need done that I’ll pay you for!” responses (one of which resulted in that interview I mentioned earlier).

The truth is that none of us know what to do. It’s like asking for food but all anyone throws at me are recipe books without any ingredients. Stuff that worked a year ago, or two, or five, hasn’t been working recently. And the people whose jobs and career paths have survived the COVID apocalypse can’t know how to give advice to get a job in it, because the landscape is so different. This isn’t “new technology will make coal mining obsolete in a few years”, this is “Friday you’re gainfully employed with a long-term future, Monday your skillset is entirely obsolete, but maybe someday it won’t be but that could happen in a month or ten years; who knows? Don’t die in the meantime!”

Having said all that, I know that I can’t give you any catch-all solutions. The best I can do; the best any of us can do, is add our own stories and data. There are a lot of people right now without the energy or time to record their own struggles because life is so unpredictable. I am fortunate that, for the moment, I at least have this opportunity to record my viewpoint and share it with either those who commiserate with it in the present, or those who need to remember it in the future (including myself). This is important work, even if it’s ultimately only important to me.

I still want to do that “how to make my weakness into strengths” post eventually, but I needed to get this one out there first, because when that post eventually comes up, it will not be a list of advice, it will be a story of a journey of self-discovery that will probably not apply directly to you. And I think that’s important to remember as you go into either my posts or any other podcasts or news articles or self-help books: especially during COVID times, nobody can be certain because nothing is certain.

So let’s make and record our own stories in this new world together, and maybe we’ll survive.